Tuesday, 8 July 2014

The Clash

My four old has red hair and a temper to match if you believe that gumph.  Many things make her cross, her brother mainly, but its the wrong hair clip, not being the one to open the front door, not winning, not being first.

The biggest cause of her anger is having her toe nails cut closely followed by hair wash & brush.  It's not fun for anyone, but for her I may as well have threatened to actually cut her toes off in some weird medieval torture.

I only have to mention it and she starts crying, screaming and begging to go to bed. Unfortunately for her and me, it needs doing. It's a two man job in that MrM has to hold her top half whilst I pin down the bottom half. She kicks, twists, turns and screams ear piercingly loud. Our neighbours must worry what we are doing. 

Tonight was the worst it has been. She's pinned down like a wrestler on WWE but I can't keep hold of her. She's screaming at ear shattering decibels, I'm trying to clip, she's pushing me with her other foot so much she's hurting me. I smack her leg.

I leave her with MrM and go in the bathroom. I'm followed by guilt, shame, frustration, fear and if I'm honest pure anger. I sit crying into my bubble bath.

How can a four year old make me feel like this? I have far more patience with the nine year old, he doesn't bring me to tears on a regular basis. I can walk away from him. I worry that if this how I feel now, his will I cope with her as a teenager?

My own relationship with my Mum was up and down as was hers with her Mum. My Mum passed away when I was 18 and I have many, many regrets.

I want to make sure my daughter and I have a good solid relationship and I'm the one that needs to learn to pick my battles.

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